Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
