you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
