im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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