Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
