I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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