Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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