I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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