are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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