There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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