Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
