im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
