hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
