the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
