I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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