his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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