I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
