Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
