he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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