I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
