sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
