just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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