Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
