You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
