You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
