Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
