Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
