I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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