Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
literally had 100 drinks last night.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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