I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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