my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
