No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
