Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
