Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
