this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Your cock deserves a montage
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
