Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
