Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
