Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just puked most of my soul out..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
