Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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