I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
