He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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