I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
