I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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