imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
