I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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