remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
