sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
