she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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