Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So squirting runs in the family.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
