I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
