the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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