maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my sisters under your porch take her home
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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