Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
