I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
