I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
