I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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