I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
